THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA – In the wake of the 2026 midterm elections, cases of what health officials refer to as ‘libbing out’ have risen dramatically, averaging a 3000% increase across the 50 states. While many of them are concentrated in states where previous outbreaks have occurred, such as New Jersey or New Mexico, health agencies have reported drastic surges of cases in states where they have previously never been reported, with nascent outbreaks in Texas and Kansas, and even rumblings of clusters emerging in Mississippi.

Mississippi.
“I’ve never seen anything like this in my career,” said HHS Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr., who called in from a location he described as ‘totally not a suicide bunker! “We thought we were this close to getting rid of libbing out for good, and then this happens. Everyone’s libbing out right now. We just hope that these cases die back down quickly before I actually have to do my job, because if they don’t…! don’t even want to think about what it would entail. For me, I mean.”

When asked for comment, Vice President JD Vance simply said, “Fuuuuuuuuuuck.”