GILLETTE STADIUM – After dropping Macklemore from his latest tour for calling for a free Palestine, enlightened centrist and radio pest Ed Sheeran has inadvertently revived public attention both in the humanitarian crisis in the Middle East and the concept of ‘National Kick-a-Ginger Day,’ where everyone gets to kick any gingers they see without legal or social consequence.

“It’s as good as we’ll get to doing it to the real thing,” said Twitter user EricCartman445, in a post advocating for the holiday to be established either on Sheeran’s birthday or the day he announced Macklemore’s removal from the tour. “It’s not like most of us will ever be in a room to kick his pasty ass over that ‘both sides’ bullshit, but if you’ve met one of those soulless pricks, you’ve met all of them, right? It’s good enough for me!”

In response to the movement, Sheeran has reaffirmed that he’s “famously never taken sides on anything and wants people to know it.” He also announced a new single, and has assured listeners it will be “the most nothing song ever.”