AMERICAN UNIVERSITY – In the wake of a global outage of websites powered by Amazon Web Services, students at American University, desperate to continue living in a world where Canvas, which runs on Amazon Web Services and is required in order to submit assignments, down, stormed Amazon’s Arlington headquarters and began hacking at the servers, not with code or cyberattacks, but with fire axes.
“We can’t have Amazon Web Services going back up,” said one student who preferred to remain nameless but volunteered to be photographed for this article in exchange for us helping get a few good swings in. “All my professors are pushing assignments back because no one can access the materials or submit anything. This is the first day I haven’t had three assignments due by midnight since August. The weights off my shoulders, and if I have to go to jail for destroying Jeff Bezos’ property to keep it that way, then so be it. Now, are you gonna help or not?”
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