NEW YORK, NEW YORK – Republican Mayoral Candidate Curtis Silwa, outside the Avenue U Subway Station, accepted defeat in a concession speech but in doing so, inadvertently riled up the city’s growing “feral” cat population.
The cats marched across Lower Manhattan en route to City Hall, where they planned to storm through the entrance and seize the building to demand the election results be overturned and Sliwa be sworn in as mayor, which would have been unprecedented in national history.
“Meow meow meow, meow meow meeeow, meooooow, meow meow meow MEOW!” said Jack Cattarelli, local tabby and neighbourhood wackjob, during the protest.
An additional cat that we went to question was curled up in a box of oranges and could not provide further comments.
The Rival American and the City of New York reached out to Curtis Silwa for comment and to ask the purr-otestors to step down before things became cat-astrophic; however, he was in the middle of his weekly alligator wrestling match in Canarsie and could not be contacted.
Fortunately for democracy and cat lovers everywhere, the mob became distracted by a bodega’s Bacon Egg and Cheese Sandwich Special on Third Avenue, and quickly forgot their initial plan in favor of brushing against patrons legs.
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