WASHINGTON, D.C. – ”I mean, it definitely bothered me a lot as a kid,” said Eric Trump, 41, commenting on his newfound relief to have never received a birthday card from his father. “I’d try to talk to him about it now and again, but he’d always give me some ham-fisted bullshit; we couldn’t afford paper, it was one of those leap years where my birthday didn’t happen, the bone spurs were moving to his hand and all he could do with them now was golf, stuff like that.”
The President’s son also noted that his older sister Ivanka received one every year without fail. “But now that I know the kind of stuff he’d put in birthday cards, it really doesn’t feel like that much of an issue anymore. What would he even say? ‘Here’s to ripping off a bunch more children’s cancer charities’? It all feels like he’s putting in writing that he knows what we did last summer… oh, crap, does he know what I did last summer??”
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