BENDER ARENA – As AU scrambles to reclaim its top liberal college spot in the wake of the “blue tsunami,” Bender Arena has been booked for a once in a lifetime celebration of James Talarico’s Texas win. 

One star guest has already been announced by Talarico personally early this weekend; a fellow Southern senator. “My good friend, Jack Ossoff will be here with me; he’s a real crowd-pleaser.” 

An email announcing the event was sent to the AU community within hours of Talarico’s victory speech, inviting all those willing to get their “Tala-freak” on. According to this announcement, the lone star state’s new senator-elect agreed to President Marchick’s request to celebrate with students after hearing about Clawd’s rejection of the gender binary. “God and Clawed have something in common there,” Talarico was quoted by the AU communications team.

The contents of the “freak off,” other than Ossoff’s presence, are being held mostly in suspense until the event. “Just show up ready to party, and get ready for some really unexpected guests,” Marchick said with a wink. “Seriously, just guess. You think we’ve brought crazy people on campus already? You have no ideaaa!”