A fan-haunted, fan-funded, semi constitutional, archive for transformative governance, featuring Freak Week scandals, National Guard slow burns, and bipartisan hauntings of democracy itself.
more than 74,890 subpoenas | 9,421,000 guardsmen| 16,090,000 golf trips
The Archive of Our Own is a project of the Office for Trick-or-Treating Works (OTW)
Find your favorites
All Fandoms
Trump x Putin
Trump x Kim Jong Un
Trump x Elon
Trump x Xi Jinping
Trump x J.D Vance
Trump x …🤫 … (scroll to find out)
English is not my first language and I don’t want it to be. Any mistakes are made out of pure hatred and disrespect for this language. The English have taken enough from my people and this world, I will not let them have my tongue as well. Thank you
Authors Notes
Happy Freak Week 🎃👻
The Third Amendment Saga
Ship: Trump x National Guard (yes the whole Guard)
Rating: T (non-explicit, legally unhinged)
Tags: Third Amendment, enemies-to-lovers, star-crossed, bureaucracy, haunted constitution,slow-burn(but also fast-burn),crack treated seriously,Halloween AU, cursed civics
Warnings: N/A
Additional Tags: Consent is my favorite amendment, Haunted Administrative Law, Pumpkin-Spiced Jurisprudence. Found Family (and Founding Fathers) Romeo and Juliet but with paperwork
Chapter 1 Crackfic Chaos: “Not In My House(Unless its Haunted)
The national guard arrived at the wrought iron gates like a colonial HOA from 1791: boots clinking, helmets glowing faintly with ectoplasm, and paperwork stamped URGENT: QUARTER US. THe mon was pumpkin cheeto orange and the air smelled like seasonal litigation.Their captain enigmatically named Captain Habeas rang the bell.Somehwta inside, a chandelier sneezed cobwebs.
Trump stormed out in a cape he claimed was “vintage presidential.” “Absoleuelty not,” he declared. “Third Amendment. I know it, I love it, I practically invented no soldiers in my house. Not even the polite kind who wipe their boots on the way in.”
A portrait of James Madison on the foyer wall rolled its eyes so hard the frame creaked.THe Guards forms rustled like autumn leaves. “Sir,”said Captain Habeas, “we’re not asking to crash on the couch. We’re asking for… emotional logging.” Thunder crashed on cue; the ghosts in the crown molding started a baroque string quartet out of sheer drama.
Trump folded his arms. “The Constitution forbids roommates.”
“The Constitution,” the Captain said gently, “forbids forced roommates.” The guard produced a heart shaped , pumpkin spiced waiver:VOLUNTARY QUARTERING (FOR LOVE OR SEASONAL FUN).
Somewhere between lighting flashes and the ghost of Madison muttering “oh for heavens sake their eyes met, commander and commanded, plaintiff and defendant, decorative caps and legally compliant helmet. “Fine,” Trump sniffed.”You can stay.” A beat. “IN the guest wing NO crumbly rations on the antique rugs.” THe Guard saluted, the chandelier howled in triumph, and the gates creaked open like a judge’s gavel made of bone.
Tags: #RivalstoRomance #Cheeto #PumkinSpice #Tan #HistoriansWillCallThemRoomates #HistoryHateLovers #Constitution #Legal #DoTheyKnowItsLegal?
Chapter 2: Enemies to Lovers (Forbidden Love)
Trump told himself it wasn’t personal he just didn’t like uniforms younger than his spray tan
The national guard filed in with clipboards,fresh idealism and SPF.
“Sir, we only need temporary housing,” they said.
He grinned.”Temporary? That’s what I told every cabinet member.”
Every debate about zoning laws turned into roast session
They’d say “You can’t quarter troops here and he’d retort Then how come the lobbyists did it
It was a love hate thing heavy on the hate,light on the legal fees.
Late one night, a soldier muttered. You quote the Constitution like its Grindr.”
Trump smirked. “I swipe right on the Second and plead the Fifth Somewhere. The ghost of Madison groaned, “Block him”
Tags: #EnemiesToLovers #ThirdAmendmentButMakeItFlirty #RedFlagsNotRedStates #PoliticalCatfish #MadisonFacepalmsAgain
Chapter 3: Foreplay by Commitee
The storm outside wasnt half as tense as the one inside the boardroom.
Trump and the Ntioanl Guard sat cross from eahc other at the negotiation table, lit only by flickering candles and the red white and blue glow of a malfunctioning PowerPoint titled “Housing & Feelings.”
Every click of the laptop was a heartbeat.Every redline edit was practically a confession.
“Sir,” the guard said carefully, sliding a contract forward, “we just need permission to occupy temporarily.”
He pushed it back with equal precision “YOU are already occupying my thoughts.”
They weren’t enemies anymore, just 2 civil servants caught in the gravitational pull of shared stubbornness.
One represents authority the other, accountability. Together, they formed an unstable bipartisan compound, volatile under pressure but mesmerizing to watch.
At one point, the Guard sighed, “I cant keep filing motions if you wonr sign anything.”
Trump leaned forward, voice low, “You think ive never been tempted by executive order?”
The candles nearly exploded from the heat of bureaucratic tension.
When the meeting adjourned, no one had moved a single decimal but somehow, something fundamental had shifted.
The air smeleed faintly of ozone and unresolved legislation.
Madisons ghost muttered, “God help us… they’ve invneted foreplay by committee.”
Outside, the storm eased into drizzle, as if even the heavens were exhausted by the paperwork.
Tags: #SlowBurnBureaucracy #PoliticalChemistry #EnemiesToAmendments #PaperworkAsLoveLanguage #ForeplayByCommittee #FoundingFatherFacepalm #CivicTension #HauntedNegotiations
Chapter 4: “Parting Is Such Sweet Subpoena”
By the last day of Freak Week, the National Guard had become the star-crossed department nobody saw coming.
They’d started as law enforcement; they’d ended as emotional support.
Trump paced the gilded hallway, cape fluttering like a tax form in a hurricane.
“Can’t you stay?” he asked, dramatic as ever.
“Sir, our orders forbid it,” said the captain. “We’re the Guard, not the kept.”
Madison’s ghost scribbled “forbidden bureaucracy AU” in the margins.
At the farewell press conference, reporters leaned in, expecting closure.
Instead, Trump clasped the Guard’s clipboard. “If loving due process is wrong, I don’t want to be right.”
The Guard saluted. “You never were.”
They stood apart—separated by ideology, bylaws, and a malfunctioning podium microphone that kept whispering “star-crossed jurisdictions.”
Somewhere, a choir of interns began humming the Romeo & Juliet theme in C-SPAN minor.
He turned to the cameras. “Write this down,” he said. “We could’ve been bipartisan.”
The Guard sighed. “You’re bipartisan in the way hurricanes are: equal-opportunity damage.”
A gust of patriotic wind blew the flags sideways.
Madison’s ghost dabbed theatrically with the Constitution.
The credits rolled themselves.
Tags #EnemiesToAmendments #RomeoAndJulietButWithPaperwork #StarCrossedJurisdictions #NationalGuardDeservesBetter #HauntedPressConference #FreakWeekFinale #DemocracyStillComplicated #MakeYesterdayGreatAgainish
Leave a Reply